When I have some work, I want more work. When I have the more work I wanted, I can’t cope and don’t want so much work. I really don’t know what I want. I don’t know whether I want a lifestyle or a career but I don’t feel like I am doing very well with either. I don’t have the dedication to be a career driven person at the moment but I don’t want to just work to get by. I would like to have the lifestyle of the perfect work life balance but at the moment we don’t really earn enough money to be able to do that. Plus when I think about it, I’ve worked so hard to get here and now I do nothing substantial? Other times I think, when will I stop to take a break and enjoy my life. Still other times, I think I’m too young to want to slow down but I can’t keep with the amount of stress involved with working so much as well as doing everything else. Continue reading “I’m never satisfied”
Category: Friday Morning
Take deep, long , slow breaths as often as you can
2. Make a list
This helps keep your mind focussed on what needs to be done. Although, even a list can spiral out of control. But if you do have a list that is spiralling out of control, make another one with a list of things that needs to be done right now.
The power of sleep is amazing! For your mental wellbeing and your physical health.
Another thing that needs to be done to keep you fit and well and to show your children the lifestyle that the need to have.
5. Make a timetable
This will help factor in all the things that you need to do in a day before you take on more work or other responsibility unless you plan to work til 2am every night!
With so much going on in your life now, you need to sort out what is important and what can wait until you have more time. Focus on what is important. Make sure you factor in the time it takes with the school run, cooking, exercise, admin work etc.
7. Live your life for now
Plan your lifestyle for now. You can’t think that if I do this then I will have this routine forever. Things change, your job and interests change. Nothing is for life anymore. Obviously, save and plan for a future but don’t always keep looking into the future and worry about not having enough money. Even your millions could disappear in a flash.
8. Unexpected things will happen
It doesn’t matter how much you plan for something good or bad to happen there are some things that you just can’t control.
9. Enjoy the moments
Look at the colours of the leaves on the tree. Look at your beautiful baby sleeping for now. Look at your daughter giggling for no reason. Remember to stop and enjoy the moment.
10. Change your mind set to be happy
If you plan for bad things then bad things will happen. Sometimes its almost like asking karma to do the bad things that you are worrying about in order to justify your worries. If it’s meant to be it will be, nothing is going to change that. So try and stop worrying and think of happy things.
At the beginning of the week, I’ve been thinking that my life has been spiralling out of control and I can’t cope with my life the way it is and then unexpected things happened. But this is my life and I can be in control of how I face it and I can be happy. So the above is the talk I had with myself! Now I’ve got to put it into practice.
My daughter has almost completed one week of school. With all the rushing around over the last week, making sure I had everything and trying out the school run in between work and then actually starting school, I haven’t had a chance to stop and think until today. The whole idea of her starting school still seems a bit surreal and I’ve been nostalgically looking through her baby photos and videos not wanting to believe she’s almost 5. She seems to have settled in well after the first few days of bawling her eyes out and saying she doesn’t want to go to school. Today, she still said she didn’t want to go but for the first time, there were no tears just lots of hugs and a promise from me to pick her up at 3. We did have to talk through this on the walk into school though. She asked me to pick her up at 2 but I had to explain that I couldn’t because school finishes at 3 so I will pick her up then. I feel happier that I can leave her without her being in tears.
I knew the school run would be long and tiring especially as I will be sitting in rush hour traffic but to be doing this for next 18 years or so is already filling me with dread. Since we didn’t get any of our catchment school, the school we are going to takes about 1 to 1.5 hours there and back which I will be doing twice a day FOREVER! I’m leaving early so that she gets to school on time but the journey back is full of traffic. Also, at the moment I’m walking her in and waiting for her to go in and stop crying and clinging to me. Hopefully once she settles in, I can cut out about 20 minutes but it is still a long trip. I’ve already started looking for houses near the school although we still haven’t decided what our long term plans are for moving houses and possibly schools.
We’ve already had homework and reading books which at the moment is fine and easy to do. I’m sure once we get into a routine everything will be all okay but at the moment I feel like I’m constantly running around, working and doing things til late into the night and then have to get up early to start the day and I miss sleep so much. Today, I had absolutely no motivation to do any work, mainly because I was tired but Wednesday is one of the only days where I get the whole day to myself – no kids, no husband so it should be a productive day. But I resisted it so much today and spent the day dreaming about not having to work for a living. I would watch day time TV while eating breakfast and lunch, go to a yoga class, maybe even have a nap, read a book and I would do a little bit of work if I got a bit bored. I’m dreading tomorrow when I will have to catch up on everything I avoided doing today.
Not really a motivational saying this week but just something to tie in with schools:
I’ve been thinking about what theme to write about on this week’s blog. Maybe my kids as it’s summer holidays and I decided to keep the girls home for the week. Neither of them went to nursery, so all week I’ve been getting up without an alarm clock which has been so nice! But trying to work with them at home has been a bit of a nightmare. How much snacks do they need and how do they get crumbs everywhere?
Then I thought about writing about how stressful work is and how I wish I could drop one of the contracts so I would have more time to spend with the girls and chill out a bit but I do like the work. They’re both a bit different. I earn the same with both of them and I don’t know which one I would drop. I do hate working into the evening after the girls are asleep so I will need to work on that. Plus all the school holidays, what will I do with them when I’m still working? And how about homework?
Then just about an hour ago I thought, I’m thinking about this all wrong. I’m worried about work, worried about not spending enough time with the girls, not having enough time to do everything and relax. I’m wishing I had a different job where I can just do term time or just work half a year. The more I worry or think about the bad things that could happen, the more I might be drawing the bad things towards me. Also, I have reiki, so I can wish good luck on my work and prayer for things to work out.
From Yoga Girl by Rachel Brathen
Whenever something similar to this has come up in the past, I’ve never had an answer for it. Also, I smugly think that all of life’s up’s and down’s have made me who I am so I should be grateful for that.
Then the other day, while I was begrudgingly working when I would rather spend time with the kids, I thought to myself I wish I’d worked harder when I was younger. I wish I had strived to earn more and invested my money better, then I could have spent more time relaxing now.
This is the first time (since I was a kid) that I have thought like this. The first time I have wished for something other than I have. I do have a lot which I am truly grateful for but on days when work gets tough and I get shouty with the kids, I want to pack it all in. After this seed had been planted though, I started thinking about what other things I had wished I had known or I had done earlier. So here is my list:
- Work hard, strive to earn lots of money and save, even if its only a little.
- Don’t worry about getting married or finding your true love. If it’s meant to be, it will happen and sometimes you have to take a risk.
- Don’t worry about having kids. If its meant to be, it will be.
- When you look back at life, you will remember the amazing things you have done, even if at the time, some things were a bit scary. It will be a brilliant experience and a wonderful memory to look back on.
- Always find some time to exercise, read and laugh. Always find the time for the things that make you feel happy to be alive.
- Buy a notebook and write stuff down and reflect on it
- Watch the skill being performed
- Choose 5 minutes a day every day to practice
- Practice alone
- Think in images
- Pay attention immediately after you make a mistake
- Take a nap
- Read, close the book, write a summary
- Stop before you are exhausted
- Just before you sleep, watch a mental movie of you performing your talent
- Embrace repetition
- Don’t waste time trying to break bad habits – instead build new ones. Ignore bad habits. Build new habits by gradually increasing the difficulty, little by little.
- To learn it more deeply, teach it.
- Give a new skill a minimum of 8 weeks
- When you get stuck, make a shift. Do it slower, faster, upside down, inside out.
- Cultivate your grit
- Keep your big goals a secret.
After reading ‘The Talent Code’ by Daniel Coyle, I decided to write down the main points that I thought were relevant into 17 steps above. Now I’ve just got to get round to doing it and one day in the future, teaching this to my girls!
I still have nothing to write about but I do want to keep writing so I’m having another go at doing a weekly blog on here. Unfortunately, I still don’t know how to get followers and get feed back. I understand that I need to comment on at least two blogs if I ask for feedback so I will try and do that but I generally do comment on the blogs I like and if I see something I like.
I’m really liking work at the moment. What I’m not liking, is the time its taking me to do things. In the morning, I feel I have lots of hours to get some work done but then before I know it, my morning has gone. Sometimes, I can blame social media but this morning it was definitely not that. Last week, I put a blog up on here which on Accountingweb got quite a few views and comments, but I’ve got hardly anything on here. I’m on here because I wanted a different audience but maybe I need to blog on a mum and baby website but even that I don’t know how to get readers.
Blogging is almost like a full time job but without getting paid, although there are ways to get income. To be fair, my blog on Accountingweb did get me my two sub contracts which I am really enjoying so I shouldn’t moan too much but somehow I still want time to write and work and do my yoga and look after the kids. I don’t ask for much!
This is a really waffly blog and I’m going to use it to test things.
As usual, here’s my quote for the weekend:
Note to self: None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself as an after thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be mad. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else. – Nanea Hoffman (Sweatpants and coffee)
When you become a parent, you find there is so much literature about parenting and none of them seem to agree. Plus there’s always new research going on and so articles are always coming out on how to be a good parent. Recently, a Harvard report stated that mums who went out to work had daughters who achieved better at work. So it’s a good thing to go out to work. But I work from home, so it’s that the same thing? I want to be closer to my daughters especially when you hear news of grooming, kidnapping etc I think if nothing else I want to be able to physically protect them as much as I can. The next article that came out was in the guardian about how women shouldn’t rush back to work and stay at home to look after the kids. In principle that sounds good but not everyone can afford to do this and even this makes me feel guilty. Although, I’m at home, in not always playing with them or looking after them because I’m working. Ever since I started reading about parenting, there’s apparently been this big debate about attachment parenting versus putting them in a routine. With my oldest daughter it was more routined with my youngest it became more of an attachment parenting more due to circumstances rather than anything else. They’re both different but I feel guilty about the way I treated them when they were both young. Every time they misbehave I wonder if I’ve done something to damage them which is why they are acting the way they are. Then I think back to my parents and grandparents and think that somehow we’ve all come through childhood, maybe slightly damaged but somehow we’re ok. I might not have everything or be able to do everything we want but generally things are pretty good. Just need to stop worrying so much.
“Our children are only ever lent to us. We never know just how long we will be able to keep them for. So kiss them, cuddle them, praise them and hold them tightly. But most of all… tell them you love them everyday. ” – Carly Marie
This year so far has been like a rollercoaster ride. I can’t believe it’s already July. It started off nice and chilled and then things just kept happening this year and I feel like I’m always playing catch up. ‘Once that’s done I’ll be able to relax’.
It’s great working from home. I have the flexibility to work more or less whenever I want but this flexibility also means that some weeks it feels like all I’m doing is working. Sometimes the kids are in the background wanting things, playing with things and sometimes they’re not. I want to spend time with them and do stuff with them but there’s always something else I need to do. With my granddad being ill, I’ve been driving up and down (2 hour round trip) to go and visit him especially with his stay overs at the hospital. But luckily everything seems good with him at the moment.
My older daughter’s school is still not totally sorted. We’ve got a back-up school with a private school but we’re still waiting to see what will happen with the appeal. Then from September things will change again. I don’t know if it will be easier or worse with the older one being at school.
Also, with work, I picked up more sub contracts (paying for private school has been playing on my mind). They seem to be a lot easier than looking for work for myself which is another issue, possibly for another blog! But even with work, it got a bit too much so I stopped one subcontract because I can’t physically do all the work and spend time with the kids. However, even though I’ve dropped one, I still feel like I don’t have enough time but then when I come to do my timesheet at the end of the day, I have no idea where my time has gone.
It’s good to be busy but I don’t think I’m getting the balance right. I don’t mind working late some nights but I don’t really want to do it all the time. Also working late has caused me to make some mistakes at work and I don’t want to lose the work I do have as there doesn’t seem to be much more part time, flexible work. And somehow, I still need to finish toilet training my younger daughter.
I’ve got some time off booked now. I’m hoping that I can spend at least some of this time to relax and catch up on stuff and hopefully get more organised and not feel so rushed all the time. And to think that at the beginning of this year, I had planned for a nice, almost relaxing year with a little of bit of work to keep me busy and I planned to do lots of exercise and eat healthily. Most of that’s all out of the window!
When I was doing reiki and thinking about what I wished for, I eventually managed to narrow it down to 5 things. These are:
1. More money for working less hours. Definitely want to work less hours.
2. Spend quality time with the girls.
5. Relax (which covers chilling with husband, on my own or going out)
And in a nutshell, that’s it! That really is it!
I have a massive to do list but the rest of the things on there are not that important. At the moment though, work seems to be taking over my life and I hate it. I stopped doing one contract because I was working till late at night but it still doesn’t seem to have changed. I’m still working till late at night. Maybe it’s just this month it’s just been really hectic with travelling to Walsall and appointments and stuff. I don’t really know. Next week’s going to be the same though.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” Steve Jobs