I still have nothing to write about but I do want to keep writing so I’m having another go at doing a weekly blog on here. Unfortunately, I still don’t know how to get followers and get feed back. I understand that I need to comment on at least two blogs if I ask for feedback so I will try and do that but I generally do comment on the blogs I like and if I see something I like.
I’m really liking work at the moment. What I’m not liking, is the time its taking me to do things. In the morning, I feel I have lots of hours to get some work done but then before I know it, my morning has gone. Sometimes, I can blame social media but this morning it was definitely not that. Last week, I put a blog up on here which on Accountingweb got quite a few views and comments, but I’ve got hardly anything on here. I’m on here because I wanted a different audience but maybe I need to blog on a mum and baby website but even that I don’t know how to get readers.
Blogging is almost like a full time job but without getting paid, although there are ways to get income. To be fair, my blog on Accountingweb did get me my two sub contracts which I am really enjoying so I shouldn’t moan too much but somehow I still want time to write and work and do my yoga and look after the kids. I don’t ask for much!
This is a really waffly blog and I’m going to use it to test things.
As usual, here’s my quote for the weekend:
Note to self: None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself as an after thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be mad. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else. – Nanea Hoffman (Sweatpants and coffee)
When you become a parent, you find there is so much literature about parenting and none of them seem to agree. Plus there’s always new research going on and so articles are always coming out on how to be a good parent. Recently, a Harvard report stated that mums who went out to work had daughters who achieved better at work. So it’s a good thing to go out to work. But I work from home, so it’s that the same thing? I want to be closer to my daughters especially when you hear news of grooming, kidnapping etc I think if nothing else I want to be able to physically protect them as much as I can. The next article that came out was in the guardian about how women shouldn’t rush back to work and stay at home to look after the kids. In principle that sounds good but not everyone can afford to do this and even this makes me feel guilty. Although, I’m at home, in not always playing with them or looking after them because I’m working. Ever since I started reading about parenting, there’s apparently been this big debate about attachment parenting versus putting them in a routine. With my oldest daughter it was more routined with my youngest it became more of an attachment parenting more due to circumstances rather than anything else. They’re both different but I feel guilty about the way I treated them when they were both young. Every time they misbehave I wonder if I’ve done something to damage them which is why they are acting the way they are. Then I think back to my parents and grandparents and think that somehow we’ve all come through childhood, maybe slightly damaged but somehow we’re ok. I might not have everything or be able to do everything we want but generally things are pretty good. Just need to stop worrying so much.
“Our children are only ever lent to us. We never know just how long we will be able to keep them for. So kiss them, cuddle them, praise them and hold them tightly. But most of all… tell them you love them everyday. ” – Carly Marie
I’ve got 5 more classes left on my Bikram yoga pass and I’ve been fighting and fighting and fighting with myself, with what I want, with what I can do and how to fit everything in but I’ve come to the decision that this is the end. For now.
I took my first class in 2009 in Leicester with my husband and I have been an addict ever since. On our first class, we put our mats right next to the mirrors as we thought that was the back of the class! After getting used to the shock of the heat, I remember feeling at peace and being so calm with the first breathing exercise and then being able to continue with the rest of the class so well. I’ve had two breaks since 2009, when I had both my daughters. Before then, we had been trying for children but had been unsuccessful. However, within 3 months of starting Bikram yoga I became pregnant. Coincidence? Maybe? But I am convinced that there is some good in Bikram yoga that no other form of exercise I have done has.
This September, after doing yoga for the longest stint yet of 2 years, I’m going to have to take a big break when my oldest daughter starts school. Maybe if I was so dedicated I could find time but with the school runs, the early morning yoga is out and evening yoga depends a lot on work. After having my second daughter I suffered a lot from backaches and just general aches. The backaches still comes and goes but definitely feels better after Bikram yoga. The general aches have more or less disappeared. The peace I felt in my first classes is elusive but I do feel a lot calmer and happier after a class even if it’s for a short time.
Yoga in general has always been a big part of my life and I do intend to carry on with yoga at home. But for now and to all the Bikram yogis:
“That stress you’ve placed upon your shoulders is going to crush you. Get rid of it. You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to have it all together. You don’t need to please everyone. Place that heavy burden on the ground. Throw it out into the sea. Expel it from your being. You will be lighter in mind, body and soul. You have to learn to say no without feeling guilty. Setting boundaries is healthy. You need to learn to respect and take care of yourself.” – Unknown
This year so far has been like a rollercoaster ride. I can’t believe it’s already July. It started off nice and chilled and then things just kept happening this year and I feel like I’m always playing catch up. ‘Once that’s done I’ll be able to relax’.
It’s great working from home. I have the flexibility to work more or less whenever I want but this flexibility also means that some weeks it feels like all I’m doing is working. Sometimes the kids are in the background wanting things, playing with things and sometimes they’re not. I want to spend time with them and do stuff with them but there’s always something else I need to do. With my granddad being ill, I’ve been driving up and down (2 hour round trip) to go and visit him especially with his stay overs at the hospital. But luckily everything seems good with him at the moment.
My older daughter’s school is still not totally sorted. We’ve got a back-up school with a private school but we’re still waiting to see what will happen with the appeal. Then from September things will change again. I don’t know if it will be easier or worse with the older one being at school.
Also, with work, I picked up more sub contracts (paying for private school has been playing on my mind). They seem to be a lot easier than looking for work for myself which is another issue, possibly for another blog! But even with work, it got a bit too much so I stopped one subcontract because I can’t physically do all the work and spend time with the kids. However, even though I’ve dropped one, I still feel like I don’t have enough time but then when I come to do my timesheet at the end of the day, I have no idea where my time has gone.
It’s good to be busy but I don’t think I’m getting the balance right. I don’t mind working late some nights but I don’t really want to do it all the time. Also working late has caused me to make some mistakes at work and I don’t want to lose the work I do have as there doesn’t seem to be much more part time, flexible work. And somehow, I still need to finish toilet training my younger daughter.
I’ve got some time off booked now. I’m hoping that I can spend at least some of this time to relax and catch up on stuff and hopefully get more organised and not feel so rushed all the time. And to think that at the beginning of this year, I had planned for a nice, almost relaxing year with a little of bit of work to keep me busy and I planned to do lots of exercise and eat healthily. Most of that’s all out of the window!